so there we were, (they were) killing a VNM, I'm healing, casting a few whm spells, a few blm spells, I heard them say we got yellow, no more ?? garbled?? thought it was a whm spell that procked it, I cast drain, then aspir & the mob comes towards me and there's all kinds of chatter now and going on and on about how could you? people DONT FFFing LISTEN… quiet for a minute, then more on and on about not listening, ruining the run, I'm lost about what is being said… I'd been listening, what did I miss? Then finally Azu said, Cha did it and I was shocked, didn't even realize I did something wrong, so now I'm processing that all this belittling and put downs was because i cast a spell they said they'd CLEARLY said don't cast (never heard it) and then they go on about AND NOT EVEN APOLOGIZING…

ok, anyone got a FUCKING HOLE for me and HOW ABOUT KICKING THE FUCKING DIRT ON ME? I'm obviously incapable of even getting that right.

and tonight, I hear someone ask a question several times… no response, then a LOUD WHAT??? I've said WHAT 5 times… again, I Never heard one response much less 5. I can't talk on the mumble when they are on, it echoes so bad no one can hear. no one likes to read the LS chat. Obviously I can't follow what's being said, so what do I do? I'm not really sure. It was not pleasant being completely and totally humiliated by the leaders of the group and being so ignorant I didn't even realize I had done something wrong.

now they want VNM runs by us outside the events and I have no job to do this really and don't understand the whole vnm thing. It's not your problem but I have MS and stress is my enemy. This is stressing me and asking for more time when 5 nights a week is pushing the stress limit already. Especially when now i risk further humiliation every time I show up.

I just don't know any more.